I'm blogging! I feel like Bill Murray in What About Bob. Remember he was tied to the mast of a sailboat and shouting, "I'm sailing!"? Well, I am blogging! But, before I begin sharing random bits of my world with the rest of the world, or more likely, with two or three members of my family, I would like to get something of my chest and offer an apology to the following groups of people: My favorite writers, the shareholders at Barnes and Noble, and the clerks at my local library.
I apologize to my favorite writers because, while I love nothing more than to head to Barnes and Noble once a week to see which of you will be the lucky recipient of my sixteen-dollar contribution to the arts, I, like the rest of the world, have fallen on hard times. I have not been inside a book store since December of last year, and that was with a gift certificate in hand. The temptation is simply too great. But, writers, take heart, I will be back, and you will all be $16.00 richer. Or, in your case, Pat Conroy, king of hardcovers, you will be $24.99 richer. (I don't begrudge you this price. I know you put blood, sweat, and tears into every book, and it's worth every penny. And, by the way, Ann Marie McDonald, I think you might actually be under-charging just a bit.) In any case, rest assured that I am doing my part to promote your work by getting your books from the library and reading them in public places. I hold your books with the titles prominently displayed while I either laugh out loud (this means you, David Sedaris) or make a big show of looking very intelligent (this means you, John Irving). This way, people with money will see how satisfied I look and they will rush to the bookstore to get that kind of satisfaction for themselves. No, I'm not a hero; I'm just doing my part to help.
And now, to the shareholders at Barnes and Noble, I offer an apology for the part I played in the small dent you saw in profits last quarter. My B&N membership card is gathering dust inside the hollow depths of my wallet while my library card is getting more action than it has ever seen. I promise you, I will be back.
Finally, to the clerks at my local library, I am sorry to make you go grab books for me all the time, but the online service that allows me to click "reserve" and have books, especially brand new books, waiting for me at the front desk is too convenient to ignore. Besides, you often look sleepy and I think a brisk walk to the fiction section might do you some good.
Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I can begin blogging with a clear heart and a clear mind. Tune in for the next installment of My World at Random when I compare the past tense of Bing with the past tense of sing.